My thoughts: The sudden death of a friend

Fumbling with my keys in the lock I heard the phone ringing.

The voice on the other end of the phone was shaking a little as they responded, "Bad news Mark", Gary is dead!

Gary is dead? What happend? There was a long pause, and then, "Gary took his life this morning..."

It was hard for me to believe what I was hearing. Are you sure, I asked. Yes I am sure, they responded. Ok, thanks for letting me know. Let me know when the funeral is.

Over the next couple of days I became very distraught and left questioning why someone of Gary's stature would do such a thing. After all Gary was a Pastor! How could a Pastor of all people commit suicide? What would lead such a good person to do such a horrific thing.

I cogitated quite a bit about the subject. I had not thought about it much before. Why was I so upset? The passing of a friend by accident or by natural causes is one thing, but to end it yourself willingly is quite another.

As the first hours of the news wore on I talked to a number of Ministers about it. And the responses I got were quite astounding!
The most astounding responce was, "I am not surprised" What? Why are you not surprised?
This Minister did not even know Gary.
There is not much support for Ministers within the Church setting. Preachers are suppose to support everyone else. They are looked up to and with admiration. They are suppose to be as close to God as you can be. They are thought of by their congregations as not having any real sin in their lives. They are not tempted by sin's calling. They are always there when you need them. They all have the perfect marriage. The perfect children.

You know, Pastor's seminary even trains a Pastor not to share their true feelings, shortcomings, sins, worries, troubles, etc... with anyone in their congreation least they be looked upon
as a, "Human Being?" My goodness! What expectations we place on our Clergy.
I would guess that as a Pastor you would not want everyone to know your faults. How do things get so bad as you decide to take your own life.

Who am I to judge one's motives? Did I walk a mile in Gary's shoes? Did I experience his daily troubles? Do I have a right to judge his decision? No...

I wonder what God will say to Gary, (or He probably already has), when he arrives at his final destination. Gary made an eternal decision. My understanding of scripture says that you loose your eternal salvation when you take your own life. Did Gary not know this? As a Pastor you would think that he did, and he still did it anyway...

A scripture comes to mind as we face many hardships daily.

2 Corinthians 1:8-12
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we
suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far
beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9
Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened
that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10
He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On
Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, 11 as you
help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for
the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 12 Now
this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted
ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the
holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according
to worldly wisdom but according to God's grace.

Did Gary stop relying on God.
Did Gary not hear that soft quiet voice of the Holy Spirt in the back of his mind just before he took his own life.
There was no one whom he could use as a sounding board when he most needed one.

The system of training Pastors may have failed Gary.

As I have been pondering the subject of our salvation further these past few days and where Gary will spend eternity I think it is best to leave that up to our Lord whom will judge us all fairly and equally...